Radio Yerevan Jokes
These jokes of Q&A type are allegedly from the Question & Answer series from Soviet Armenian Radio. A typical format of a joke was:
- Radio Yerevan was asked: "<...>"
- Radio Yerevan answers: "<...>".
Outside the Soviet Union, mostly jokes of a political nature were told. Within the Soviet Union, the range of jokes covered all standard matters subject to humorous interpretation: mother-in-law, sex, national stereotypes, etc.
Radio Yerevan political jokes
A large series of jokes of this kind goes along the following line. A listener asks a question, e.g., about the difference between communism and capitalism. The answer is usually in the lines of "in principle, yes", but the details of the response contradict the affirmative answer.
Q: Is there a difference between capitalism and communism?
- A: In principle, yes. In capitalism, man exploits man. In communism, it's the reverse.
Q: Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union the same as there is the USA?
- A: In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC, and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished. In the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
Q: Is it true that the poet Vladimir Mayakovsky committed suicide?
- A: Yes, it is true, and even the record of his very last words is preserved: "Don't shoot, comrades."
Q: Why is there no flour in the market?
- A: Because they began adding it to the bread.
Q: Is it true that in the Soviet Union people do not need stereophonic equipment?
- A: In principle, yes. One hears exactly the same thing from all sides.
Q: Is it true that conditions in our labor camps are excellent?
- A: In principle, yes. Five years ago one of our listeners was not convinced of this, so he was sent to investigate. He seems to have liked it so much that he hasn't returned yet.
Q: Under communism will we still have money?
- A: No, none of that either.
Q: Could an atomic bomb destroy our beloved town, Yerevan, with its splendid buildings and beautiful gardens ?
- A: In principle, yes. But Moscow is by far a more beautiful city.
Q: What is chaos?
- A: We do not comment on national economics.
Q: What is cosmopolitan?
- A: Cosmonaut's deputy in political affairs.
Q: What is a Soviet musical duet?
- A: It's a musical quartet after a trip abroad.
Q: We are told that the communism is already seen at the horizon. What then is a horizon?
- A: Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.
Q: Why is our government not in a hurry to land our men on the moon?
- A: What if they refuse to return?
Q: When Nixon visited Moscow, he and Khrushchev had a race around the Kremlin. Nixon came the first. How should our media report on that?
- A: As follows: In the international running competition the General Secretary of the Communist Party took the honorable second place, while President Nixon came in next to last.
Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR? Both guarantee freedom of speech.
- A: Yes, and the US Constitution also guarantees freedom after speech.
Q: What is permitted and what is prohibited?
- In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited.
- In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited.
- In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted.
- In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited.
- In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.
Q: Why have Solzhenitsyn, Brodsky, Bukovsky, and other dissidents have been exiled from the country?
- A: Did you know that the best products are always selected for export?
Q: What is common between a pregnant eight-grader and Trabant?
- A: Both are shame of the family.
Once established, this "headline" became a standard format of many Q&A jokes, and it is often difficult to recognize what was the original format of the joke.
Q: Is it true that Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov from Moscow won a car in a lottery?
- A: In principle yes, but:
- it wasn't Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov but Aleksander Aleksandrovich Aleksandrov;
- he is not from Moscow but from Odessa;
- it was not a car but a bicycle;
- he didn't win it, but it was stolen from him.
Q: What is the difference between erotica and porno?
- A: The sharpness of camera focussing.
Q: Can a woman remain virgin after three marriages?
- A: Yes, if the first husband was French, the second one is Armenian, and the third one is Soviet academician.
Q: What can a woman make from nothing?
- A: A stylish haircut, a salad, and a tragedy.
Q: Can a man have a hundred women a night?
- A: Yes he can, if it is a polar night.
Q: What is "Russian business"?
- A: To steal a crate of vodka, to sell it, and then drink the money away.
Q: Who were the first people?
- A: It is well known that a man descended from an ape. Therefore we have to admit that the first people were: Aron Gutan, a Jew, Chimpanidze, a Georgian, and Gorilla, a Russian.
Q: Why do women work so much on their appearance, but so little on their intellect?
- A: Because there are many fewer blind men than stupid ones.
Q: Is it true that Tchaikovsky was homosexual?
- A: Yes, but we love him not only for this.